The wedding rules I broke on my wedding day.
Updated: Apr 1, 2019
Now tradition is a tricky thing but I feel like the ones you choose to keep and the ones you choose to ditch are totally up to you (and lets be frank, a little to do with your family). But there were some traditions I just felt needed some moderns amendment, or to be ditched entirely.
Wearing a veil over my face
Between protecting the bride from spirits to hiding measles scarring from a groom who had never seen his wife, I found all the history behind this a little too much for me. Perhaps my inner feminist came out a little here too and my desire to chart my own course, but covering my face seemed like something I wasn’t going to enjoy. Then at a dress fitting I tried one over my face and honestly didn't love the experience, and again I just thought nope, not for me.
I did wear a veil however, but it was a specially designed cowl and formed part of an elaborate hair accessory and certainly wasn’t covering my face, I don’t think it even could. And I walked down the isle like a modern day female who has met her husband before! This felt empowering but honestly don’t think anyone actually thought about it other than me. They certainly didn’t say anything if they did.
Wearing a white dress
I’m happy that the world has evolved from this because the feminist in me thinks that this is twaddle to put it politely. I was leaning very heavily to this gorgeous pale pink and ivory ball gown, but ended up choosing my ivory mermaid gown. It won straight away based on its sheer gorgeousness and frankly I felt like a goddess in it! Partly because the ivory tone matched my skin tone amazingly, way better than white ever could, and as I planned on yellow gold jewelry, a warmer toned dress was the way to go. I will never forget sitting at my parent in laws house a few months before my wedding once my dress was purchased. My father in law came home from a wedding complaining how the brides dress was not even white but a weird off white and turning up his nose. That didn’t bother me and my dress was amazing! I even went over budget for it and I still love it and wish I could re-live that day all over again just to spend more time in the dress!
Seeing your husband-to-be before the wedding
My husband and I decided to have a first look away from everyone about an hour before the wedding. Our venue had a forest and he met me in there for our first look and to give me my gift, a pendant to match my engagement ring. We even kissed - gasp! But it was magical and after all the planning I felt like I needed a place where we could just be us (with our photographers and videographers lurking), away from everyone else. It was the best thing ever.
The Maid of Honor
I originally asked my much older sister to be my Maid of honor but in the initial planning phases I really felt that the responsibility was going to be more of a chore. Without re-hashing the details, I made the decision to cut my sister from the bridal party and pull in another close friend who I knew would excel and add value to the duties of the bride squad. Fortunately, I made this decision early. As a result I opted to rather have 3 bridesmaids, simply leaving the Maid of Honor title out of the equation. This was really the best way to go and everything worked out fine, including my relationship with my sister.
Something borrowed, something blue. Something old and something new.
I just ignored this. I’m not even sure what the relevance is because this one I didn’t even research. My entire outfit was something new, nothing borrowed, nothing old and definitely nothing blue! My theme was gold and warm colors so there was no space for blue in the equation. I didn’t miss participating in this and I still don’t. As with all of these you need to do what’s important to you.
Father and daughter dance Now I know to some this is very important but my poor father panicked over this every time the wedding came up. He was adamant he couldn’t dance. He also worried over the speech as public speaking was not a strengths his. Well my husband and I had a 3 minute choreographed first dance which we practiced for a full year. I figured after that my guests wouldn’t be interested in any more dancing anyway so I ditched the father daughter dance much to my dads peace of mind. Although I know he would have done it if I asked. He didn’t get out of his speech however and did fabulously.
The groom gives the speech Much like my father, my groom hates public speaking as well. (Let’s leave Freud out of this!) I have no problem with it. Also again the feminist in me saw no reason why I shouldn’t have something to say. So my husband and I split the speech and stood up together to say it. I had been to a wedding before where the couple had done this and it’s actually really enjoyable. A marriage is two people after all. And yes, our speech was on our phone!
Honestly at the end of the day your wedding is about you and your groom and while there is alot of jumping through hoops when it comes to weddings, you have to find ways to make it your own and do what suits you and your groom. This is about living a day that makes you and your hubby happy and breaking the rules if they don’t suit you.
My gorgeous day was captured by African Bear Photography (South Africa) www.africanbear.co.za